Greetings Otaku Andrain here. So I’m coming off of work and I hope onto youtube to see what’s up, a suggested video leads me to episode one of Digimon “Fusion” I question that for a moment since I hadn’t heard anything at all about it. And I decide the click the link.
CAJUN HIJACK!!! – Please note that the below rant might contain mild language that might not be suitable for young readers under the age of 13–after all, my co-editor is a raging otaku from up north. Us southern otaku are more laid back. Ahem. In any case, you have been warned…oh LAWD you have been warned…
The Main character is named Mikey Kudo, I note on the description as I wrack my brain for a moment… as the video starts. This is Xros Wars?! THEY RENAMED TAIKI TO BLEEPING MIKEY?! WTF NICKELODEON. I calm myself after this knowledge that things like renaming with no reason still happens in 2013 as it CONTINUES TO GO DOWNHILL! The show after a REALLY…. BAD INTRO! introduces us to What did they rename her to? Oh yeah Angie… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH AKARI?! HUH! IT’S A PERFECTLY FINE NAME YOU PIECES OF… Calm calm… ok So they did that. Ok Deal with it… so Wait… Are they suggesting Akari is a crazy fangirl who is obsessed with Taiki?! THEY ARE THOSE BASTARDS! LEAVE THE FREAKING CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ALONE! HOLY CRAP. We cut to Taiki… or Mikey… or no I’m calling him that! playing B-ball things happen and he falls over Akari making an awesome save. Then we cut to them talking later on… In the Japanese version the conversation goes like this
Akari: You always do crap like this! At least tell me if you decide to help out another Club!
Taiki: Well you see the regulars ll had food poisoning and You know I can’t turn my back on them *Grin*
THE DUB Made Not-Taiki look like a newly reformed asshole! Not to Mention Not-Akari
Not-Akari: YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH ME INSTEAD OF SOME SMELLY BOYS! What’s Up with that?!
Not-Taiki: Well… I’ve been thinking it’s pretty cool to be part of a team and you know I’ve been feeling like something’s gonna happen. Something Big… Or not! *Grin*
… What the HELL?! IT was about this time I pull up the sub to write this article and start doing these side by side comparisons. Someone needs to know about this BS! So Here I push the play button on the dub as I realize sleep becomes less likely.
Third Sidekick becomes… Jeremy… That’s almost forgivable considering his real name is Zenjirou but… Yeah I’ll go ahead and pass on that… AND HE SOUNDS LIKE A DELUSIONAL CHUUNI! (See http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Chuunibyou for a decent explanation.) HE’S A SERIOUS BUT DOWN TO EARTH GUY WHAT THE HELL?! I’m only 6 minutes into this folks and I’m already 30% closer then usual to a stroke. OH Yeah another example of Not-TAIKI BEING A FREAKING ASSHOLE. I’m putting this on Hold and going to go take a nap! More incoming later! PS. Pretending I didn’t hear Not-Akari say something like “Oh so you wanna hang out with him instead of me?!” I need a break.
Alright so I’m back after a little sleep. So, am I feeling better? Not really I finished both episodes by now. How ticked out off am on a 10 scale? Probably Raging Psychopath on a rampage/10! Tell me, a Sword made out of Starmon… Ok The Japs call it “Star Blade.” I like it! It’s Simple, makes sense! THE AMERICANS CALL IT THE SUN SWORD?! HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME?! ANYONE?! and then of course our Protag Digimon Shoutmon, I love that guy, He’s a man who destined to be king. A Hard Rockin Little dragon who’se main theme is Rock and Roll with his attacks that include Soul Crusher, Rowdy Rocking, and Rock Damashii… or perhaps you can get away with “Bellow Blaster,” Rowdy Rocking, and, “Firey fastball.” REALLY REALLY?! YOU’RE SCREWING WITH HIS THEME YOU DON’T THINK KIDS WON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THE ATTACK Is CALLED SOUL OF ROCK! JUST CALL IT FIERY SOUL OF ROCK AT LEAST!
So Let’s review the crimes this dub inflicts on one of my favorite seasons
1. Akari the typical platonic Childhood friend (Yeah she falls for him eventually what about it?) Who took care of him all his life is a psycho fangirl who is rather obsessed with him.
2. Taiki who got his name changd to that sounds like a recently reformed Butthole who just recently learned what being on a team and giving to others was like when in reality. He’s ALWAYS been that way.
3.Zenjirou always had the short end of the stick, but now the poor guy sounds like a delusional wacko “SEVEN PATHS OF PAIN!” Really?! He’s a serious Kendoist who sees a Rival in Taiki! DID YOU HAVE TO SCREW HIM UP THAT BAD?!
4.The choice of Voice for Ballistamon suggests the casting director made a huger mistake then when they casted Cody.
5. Sun Sword. Are you freaking kidding me?!
6. DigiFuse… Really Was it that hard to keep DigiXros (Yes You call spell it Cross, that’s fine with me) THey even kept the whole X things so I’m pretty sure our American children could figure out… Hey! They’re crossed together! I GET IT! DigiFuse jus sounds lame… and the name Fusion Loader (The Digivice) doesn’t have the same feel as a Xros Loader.
I almost can’t wait to see how the dubbers screw up Xros Wars: Time Hunters… I almost can’t imagine how they could make that pile of dung sequel any worse but if this is the staff that’ll be working on it. It might turn out to be completely unwatchable.
I’m Otaku Andrain, off to play some D&D. Have fun and Don’t watch Digimon Fusion… the Sub of Digmion Xros wars is a lot easier to find.